life

Do not live in the shadow of others,

Do not fear the face of individuality,

Live life as only you know it,

Full,

Plentiful,

Alive,

You are the master of your own destiny.

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almost

Why is it that when we have (almost) everything that we think that we could ever need, we are still not happy?

Are we really that bad that we need to have the seemingly perfect life that we simply cannot be happy until we have it? or is that something that we don’t have, so strong of void in our lives that we are not happy until we get it?

But even then, what? What if that thing that we so much wanted in our life is not what is making us unhappy or sad?  What if we never find that final piece of the puzzle that will make us happy?

Recently a friend sent me a text that pretty much summed up my feelings ‘You do have (almost) everything that you ever wanted. House, car, loving family and friends, live and work abroad, have a full-time job (and a half job). Certainly more than most people! but you’re not happy are you?’

She is right. I do pretty much have everything that I have wanted.. I actually have more. But there is something missing which doesn’t complete me.  Doesn’t make me smile everyday and doesn’t leave me content.

Don’t get me wrong. I have days when everything seems perfect and fine, but those days are becoming fewer and further apart that I have to wonder that if I don’t make a change to something in my life, if that big black hole of sadness will truly swallow me up and spit me out having lost years of my life?

I can’t afford that to happen.  I DON’T want that to happen.. so it’s time to make a change.

What’s your secret to happiness?

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inspiration…

Normally I try not post more than once a day.. but with some shit news arriving from back home.. I’ve decided that this day needs some inspiration..

two words.. CANCER SUCKS!!

thanks designbyjack.co.uk

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The lost simplicity…

The other day as I crossed the street I watched a lone dandelion being carried by the wind, I thought to myself ‘if only life could be that simple’

Lately so much has been happening. So much is going on and I feel as though my head has been in a spin.  For  a moment I lived in the dream that life could be much simpler if I could just be carried by the wind.  Landing where the wind wanted me to land, seeing what I could in the little time that I had before being swept up again and lifted off to another far away place, or simply…just a block down the road.

Everyone wishes, hopes for a simpler life, yet what is it that holds us back from reaching out and taking it with two hands?  What is it that tells us we need to stay mainstream and fall into line with societies conformity? with the everyday mainstream?

I am a traveler. I love to travel. But I know that I am my happiest when I am visiting places that seem to have the simple life. Places that are still relying on manual labor. Still doing daily chores by hand. Using family life to live in simplicity and not race against time.

I know that western life has developed.  That we have grown to rely on items which we never thought we would and items that I know we need to maintain in order to stay competitive, to continue to live our lives in order to feed ourselves, but why can’t there be methods to ensure that we re-create some of the simplicity in our lives.

Why can’t we just take the time to enjoy life. To stop and listen. To smell. To enjoy.  Why keep rushing from one thing to another, and never stopping simply.. to take it all in?

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fate.. challenges … or just plain coincidences

I never know what to believe in fate.

I know that there has to be a reason behind something, a reason why we are all where we are in the world, a reason that we meet the people that we meet and a reason as to why things happen.  But when thoughts (and actions) collide without reason, I have to wonder what the world is telling me.

I see challenges daily.  Living on the opposite side of the world to your family will do that, but when forces out of your control have the ability to be able to help you make or break a decision..I am left in awe.

already I over think things too much, so this new little bit of news has my head spinning out of control and my emotions running high.  Who do I turn to? who will understand what it is that i need to understand? who is going to support me? and who will simply just be there, because I need them to be?

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Time to look within..

“Believe it or not, no one can actually make you angry, you choose your own reaction so quickly it’s hard to believe you did it by yourself..”

My niece posted this on her facebook page this morning, or last night.  Exactly when I can’t quite remember, but it was there when I woke up this morning and it made me think exactly how much this is true.

We live our own lives, form our own destinies and somewhere along the line make decisions, from time to time, to blame others, when truthfully we know that there is something deep inside us that is eating us.  Forcing us to blame someone or something else, rather than facing our own selves, our own truths.

What is it that pushes us to this extreme?

What is it that enables us to blame one another, to not be accountable for our own actions?

I know that this is something that I do often.  If I’m not in the right head space. If I am not feeling 100% myself, I attempt to blame someone for my foul mood or get angry because they haven’t done something that they should be doing or have done something that they shouldn’t have been doing.

I know I choose everything in my own life. I have never been forced beyond comprehension to something that I have never wanted to do.  I know that I have been told that I shouldn’t or I can’t do certain things and yes, in some cases when I thought it was necessary, I became angry. But it’s not that I needed to.  It was simply because I was stubborn, pig-headed.. it’s in my Taurian right, right?  But can I really blame it on that? Should I get angry about that? no!

Perhaps I should be more accountable for my emotions. No, not perhaps. I will be more accountable for my actions in the future. I will try not to blame my anger on anyone, or anything.   I say try, only because I know that this is going to be hard for me.  But as they say, being aware of doing something that you are generally unaware that you are doing, is the first step in making a change.. mine starts tonight.

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where am i?

i wonder with grace where i am? where i am hiding inside this body that pretends that it is me?

i used to be the child that smiled all the time. a child that didn’t have a care in the world. a child who was happy, funny, joyful…where did i go?

did it all disappear at a certain age? when i became a teenager? became a women? or has this black cloud been lurking deep within me my whole life, waiting for me to allow it to consume me.  waiting for me to set it free?

i refuse to let it out. refuse to allow it to take over. i know that i am stronger, that i am. stronger than it. i know that inside of me the child wants to come out again. the carefree, happy, smiling child that i know still exists.  a child that is in love with the world, in love with life, in love with my life….

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