where am i?

i wonder with grace where i am? where i am hiding inside this body that pretends that it is me?

i used to be the child that smiled all the time. a child that didn’t have a care in the world. a child who was happy, funny, joyful…where did i go?

did it all disappear at a certain age? when i became a teenager? became a women? or has this black cloud been lurking deep within me my whole life, waiting for me to allow it to consume me.  waiting for me to set it free?

i refuse to let it out. refuse to allow it to take over. i know that i am stronger, that i am. stronger than it. i know that inside of me the child wants to come out again. the carefree, happy, smiling child that i know still exists.  a child that is in love with the world, in love with life, in love with my life….

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